Being Ambitchous

Author: Suzie Maher   1 March 2021 

Being Ambitchous

Being Ambitchous  main image

The first five days after the weekend are the hardest. Over the years, all I want to do is smack them in the face. Sound like someone you know? Maybe it is you. If it sounds like you, don't stress, it's actually a fucking compliment. You are rocking, sister. The dictionary describes Bitch as "a woman regarded as malicious, bad-tempered, or aggressive" or "a woman who is inconsiderate and insensitive". Obviously, the dictionary was written by a man. Makes fucking sense, right? If a woman wrote it, the first word wouldn't be aardvark; it would be queen! The guy who wrote the dictionary cries in bed cries after sex. He whimpers. Like, what the actual fuck? We know it’s the best he’s ever had, but we hardly know each other. He asks to talk to your mother. What for? That is not going to happen. He texts ten times a day and checks in "to see how you're doing." Fucking wanker. Here at Defamations, we see a bitch as a powerful queen. Strong-minded, invincible and sexy as hell and kills it every time. A Rockstar chick who takes no shit. Bitches are go-getters who put themselves and their orgasms first. Bitches don't seek approval from others. They totally approve of themselves. I don't know about you, but it sounds like good fun to me. High Five. So, what's the fucking point? If anyone calls you a bitch, pull yourself together and don't shrink or blush or apologise. Own it, embrace it. And change your online dating profile to read, "Crazy mad bitch. Damaged and loving every minute. Try before you buy.” We’ve got plenty of bitch products in the pipeline. Find the perfect one to fit your bitch and send it out. Be the bitch you are born to be. The time is now. Rant over.