Morning Talkers

Author: Suzi Maher   1 February 2021 

Morning Talkers

Morning Talkers main image

I want to open a really angry coffee shop called "I'm not a morning person" and name all the drinks angrily. Like "Can I get a Fuck you?" or "I'm Studying for finals" or "a My In-laws are in town". And they all have shots of vodka in them. Like, what is it about people and talking in the morning? I can deal with a pillowcase sniffer, talking during sex (unless they get my name wrong), talking in their sleep (fascinating - taking notes), talking as much as possible at work, but talking before 9:00 am… nope, never, zip it, dickhead. FFS. I once had a girlfriend and a husband, yep, I know! Both of them were morning talkers. Neither of them would shut it once awake. I would feed him cat food on toast for breakfast, her English breakfast tea stirred with venom and bitterness, yet they both kept the talk-fest up. Wankers. Morning people are like multi-level marketers. They use the fact that you're sleeping as a way to get ahead! Be it having a morning after, eating the last bite of caramel chocolate from last night sesh on the lounge, doing their workout, pumping to Jimothy Lacoste or getting ahead in the Netflix series you’ve been watching together. Inconsiderate cockheads. These are the people who force you to punch a wall before your day even starts. Buddha said holding onto your anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. In my head, I'm thinking… Buddha says, make sure you give the poison to the other person. Pure enlightenment. Buddha was a Genius. Now go to the shop immediately. Buy products. Checkout. I'm going back to sleep.